After two arduous weeks of loneliness, as circumstances did not allow an overlap of time and space, on April 2, 2014, I arrived at therapy nervous, as though I had released a confession into the world which had not yet been affirmed - a confession whose very words required some sort of acknowledgement. Greeted by familiar boundaries (why must I ache for more?) she thanked me for the note, mentioning she had filed it away in her inbox, a special formation of words and thoughts (and perhaps gratitude) to which we could draw points of reference. I do not know what I hoped the email would soilict from her (emotion would be inappropriate, to my understanding) but I was pleased and taken aback by her acknowledgement of its receipt.
March 26, 2014
Hi Dr. Samton -
I flew to LA early this morning to spend time with my mom who is having neck surgery tomorrow [redacted].
I've only been home a few hours, but already notice such a difference in how I feel now compared with how I felt the last couple of times I was home in November and December. I did weigh myself this morning, and I have gained 6 lbs since December, but I am really at ease with it. I am allowing myself to eat, relax, and just enjoy the fact that I was able to take a spontaneous trip home. I haven't seen anyone yet but I am already proud of how not anxious I am, and how little I care about what people may or may not think about my weight and appearance. For me, knowing that my mindset and outlook have shifted so radically far outweighs the anxiety of the number on the scale, and that is what really prompted me to write this email to you and thank you.
Thank you so much for listening to me, for helping me reshape my thoughts, and teaching me to focus on the present. I know I still have a ways to go, but I feel as if I've already come a long way.
I hope you are enjoying your vacation and time away, and look forward to seeing you next Wednesday when we are both back in New York.