You are not alone (Wednesday, June 4, 8:00 a.m.)

by MB


Positing: What do you make of the secrecy of your relationship?

By nature, or perhaps by virtue of rote memory, I err on the side of privacy, disclosing information only after thoughtful consideration as to the person and the topic at hand. To put it all out on the table is to commit myself to vulnerability, to discussing the pieces of myself I have long buried beneath layers of isolation as heavy as granite, ritually enhanced and tended to only at its surface.

Her insights, abbreviated

You don't like to share your sexuality with people, admit that you have a sex life, you have carnal desires, you're a sexual  person. You seem to have a lot of shame about sex.

I know it sounds a little gross, but your parents were never very open with their sexuality.  Not that they had to be explicit in front of you, but it sounds like holding hands and signs of affection were rarities. 

I would imagine you  never had the sex talk in your family, your mom never sat down with you and said look, this is what's happening to your body, I know a lot of crazy stuff is going on with you, and you're going to want to f someone, and that's totally cool, that's normal.

In some ways, the sex talk, as annoying or gross as it is, is comforting in that it reminds you that you are not alone.

Considerations

I am uncomfortable around my body and what it stands for, a physical manifestation of pent up betrayal and resentment. (Extends to: ED, Eating, Sex, Body, Intimacy)

My thoughts, once contained in a perfect yellow egg yolk, find themselves on fire, scrambled, quite literally, by irreversible damage. A traumatic realization whose consequences cannot be retracted.

My body is too much.

An abundance of needs which cannot be contained.

Be the needless wonder.