What I wouldn't trade for 8 lbs

by MB


  • Being asked to go to Asia and saying yes because I know it's going to be ok 
  • Spontaneous dinners and drinks and late nights with friends and coworkers (Shane, Mel, Krista, Josh, Rob)
  • Catherine and all of the things she means to me and everything she's taught me
  • Being present 
  • Dinner at Steve and Alex's in the Hamptons where James makes me my own paella and tacos and cookies because he knows I love them
  • Bottles of wine and weed and freedom  and eating those cookies and waking up the next day and playing tennis and having it be ok
  • Knowing that you're proud of me
  • Work dinners and the unparalleled opportunities which rise from the faintest wisps of possibility
  • Not being treated like that "other" person who can't eat what everyone else eats
  • Being proud of myself 
  • Crying at the end of therapy because it's over. Because I know I'm going to be ok, even though it hurts. 
  • Knowing what it feels like to hurt, and believing - with conviction - that I can get through it
  • Accepting that crying is a sign of progress
  • Sprinkles cupcakes and Cabernet on Catherine's roof in DC 
  • Bottles of Rose in Gramercy park and sandwiches and not remembering the particulars but knowing, nonetheless, that it was perfect
  • Remembering all of the particulars and still being this size 
  • Spending time on the work that matters, the work that ultimately got me here
  • Motorino last Tuesday with Rob and Nate
  • Pizza with Marc and Rob on the roof of the office on my last day of work
  • Sushi with Seiji in Tokyo
  • Not beating myself up about the time I didn't go to SoulCycle because I was tired and it didn't matter
  • Knowing that I can handle things I'm afraid of
  •  Have I mentioned the food?